Is this what God feels like?

Friday, May 5, 2006 -- Week of 3 Easter

"Morning Reflections" is a brief thought about the scripture readings from the Daily Office of Morning and Evening Prayer according to the practice found in the Book of Common Prayer of the Episcopal Church.

Morning Prayer begins on p. 80 of the Book of Common Prayer.
Evening Prayer begins on p. 117

An online resource for praying the Daily Office is found at www.missionstclare.com
Another form of the office from Phyllis Tickle's "Divine Hours" is available on our partner web site www.ExploreFaith.org at this link -- http://explorefaith.org/prayer/fixed/index.html

Today's Readings for the Daily Office (p. 961)
Psalms 105:1-22 (morning) // 105:23-45 (afternoon)
Exodus 24:1-18
Colossians 2:8-23
Matthew 4:12-17

Today I was struck by something that I don't remember ever having read before. In the Exodus passage it tells about Moses taking the his closest associates Aaron, Nadab and Abihu and seventy of the elders up the mountain, "and they saw the God of Israel. Under his feet there was something like a pavement of sapphire stone, like the very heaven for clearness. God did not lay his hand on the chief men of the people of Israel; also they beheld God, and they ate and drank." Afterwards, Moses went into the cloud up on the mountain for forty days and forty nights.

I'm sure I've read this passage before, but I don't remember it. It surprised me because my recollection was that it was Moses, and Moses alone, who saw God during the wilderness sojourn. But here we have a story of a large group of God's people sharing a vision of God and the communion of a holy meal.

When I talk with people about God, sometimes I like to ask them about any peculiar moments when they've sensed themselves to be in the presence of "something More." When they've known awe or a deep peace. When they've sensed time stand still as they were seized by a wonder which grasped them deeply. Given a bit of time to think about it, nearly everyone can come up with such a memory. Sometimes it is the memory of something deeply forming. For others, it is an oddity or curiosity that they've wondered about but never fully explored.

I'm convinced that every human being has these numinous experiences. There is a Friday, May 5, 2006 -- Week of 3 Easterlot of language for them, none of it entirely satisfying, but I'm comfortable calling these experiences of God.

Something that says richly in my consciousness happened many years ago when I was on retreat at a Roman Catholic monastery. Part of my prayer that day had to do with my need for a sense of God's presence and leading for a young priest. I was praying conversationally with a passage from Isaiah. From deep inside a greater desire floated up. "I want to experience you, God. I want to know how 'God' feels."

Very shortly thereafter, I sensed a tingling presence in the room with me -- behind, above, and to my right. It began to move across the room behind me. I am without words to describe the sense of energy, potential, joy, and fullness there. It was incredibly alive and wonderfully benevolent. As this was happening, an incomplete question formed in my thoughts, "Is this what God feels like?"

Before the thought could complete itself, I experienced something so overwhelming and wonderful that the only words I've been able to use to approach is to say that it was like a divine, cosmic laugh. It was like the whole universe was filled with a joyful laughter that made the stars dance. Out of the laugh, an unspoken word emerged -- "YES!" It was like the universe filled with God was laughing "Yes -- this is what God feels like." Even the memory of the moment long ago fills me with joy and makes me smile again.

Lowell
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The Rev. Lowell Grisham
St. Paul's Episcopal Church
Fayetteville, Arkansas