Divorce and Marriage

Monday, November 23, 2009 -- Week of Proper 29, Year One
Clement, Bishop of Rome, c. 100

Today's Readings for the Daily Office (Book of Common Prayer, p. 994)
Psalms 106:1-18 (morning) 106:19-48 (evening)
Joel 3:1-2, 9-17
1 Peter 1:1-12
Matthew 19:1-12

It is pretty clear that the norms of the early church were very strict regarding divorce and remarriage after divorce. Mark's gospel (the earliest) forbids remarriage after divorce, and by implication, divorce itself. Matthew was familiar with Mark's gospel when he wrote his account. Matthew's gospel, that we read today, forbids divorce, "except for unchastity." The grounds, quoted in both passages, is the intention expressed in Genesis that the two become one flesh, "therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

In 1 Corinthians, Paul has a preference that everyone remain unmarried and celibate as he is. However, if your passions are uncontrollable, it is not a sin to marry, he says. Paul also disapproves of divorce, even if one is married to a nonbeliever. Yet if the nonbelieving spouse leaves the family, Paul does not blame the remaining spouse. If someone separates from their spouse, Paul tells them to remain unmarried. If a spouse dies, Paul advises the widow or widower to remain unmarried, but does not prohibit remarriage. The end is near, says Paul. We would all be better off if we remained as he is, unmarried and celibate.

In Matthew's account, when the disciples hear of Jesus' prohibition on divorce and remarriage, they complain, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry." Jesus' response is interesting: "Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can." The footnote in my Bible remarks that this is an endorsement of voluntary celibacy. Paul is a model. But others have wondered whether the reference to "eunuchs who have been so from birth" might be interpreted as an acknowledgment same-sex orientation. I don't know.

There is a strong New Testament case to be made for several potential Christian policies toward marriage and divorce. Some church communities have taken Paul's advice and prohibited marriage or any form of sexual intimacy. For most of Christian history, divorce has been forbidden, except for unchastity. Anyone familiar with the story of Henry the Eighth knows that the legal and ecclesiastical wrangling involved with annulments and divorce could be cut-throat. I've given pastoral support to several persons who were deeply wounded in the complicated canonical process of negotiating Roman Catholic law regarding such things. Justice is not always served; compassion is not always primary.

In fact, I'll tell a story as an illustration of how messy these things can get. A parishioner of mine had been married to her husband for many years. She had done most of the raising of their two children as he had a traveling job. There were rumors that he was a womanizer, but she stuck by him. When the last child was grown and out of the house, he divorced her. She was devastated. He had taken up with a young woman who was about the age of their daughter. The young woman was Roman Catholic, and marriage in the church was very important to her and her family. He sought an annulment of his previous marriage of some 25 years. The annulment was granted. It seems that his former wife, my parishioner, was forced by her father into a shotgun wedding when she was around seventeen because her father thought she was having sexual relations with her boyfriend. She insisted she wasn't, but he insisted she marry. Under duress, she married. "Since we were married," she shrugged, "we did go ahead and have relations. But I didn't before." A few months later, she obtained a divorce.

The Catholic process ruled that because of that previous marriage, she wasn't actually free to marry her husband when they did so some 25 years before. That marriage was annulled, and her adulterous former husband was allowed to marry his new younger paramour in a church sacrament. One of my parishioner's adult children asked, does that mean I'm a bastard?

The Episcopal Church prohibited remarriage in the church after divorce until we changed our canons in 1978. It was the witness of remarried Episcopalians, who had remarried outside of the church, that persuaded the church to change. They displayed in their new relationships the fruit of the Spirit, and they said that their experience of new life through remarriage was an experience of resurrection. The Episcopal Church placed some boundaries and limitations around it, but opened the possibility of remarriage to our members. I had a friend who was a priest who did not agree with the change, and did not perform any remarriages. I've also known many people whose lives were deeply blessed by the possibility for another chance.

Lowell

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About Morning Reflections
Morning Reflections is a brief thought about the scripture readings from the Daily Office of Morning and Evening Prayer according to the practice found in the Book of Common Prayer of the Episcopal Church.

Morning Prayer begins on p. 80 of the Book of Common Prayer.
Evening Prayer begins on p. 117

An online resource for praying the Daily Office is found at www.missionstclare.com
Another form of the office from Phyllis Tickle's "Divine Hours" is available on our partner web site www.ExploreFaith.org at this location -- http://explorefaith.org/prayer/fixed/index.html


The Mission of St. Paul's Episcopal Church
is to explore and celebrate
God's infinite grace, acceptance, and love.

Visit our web site at www.stpaulsfay.org

Our Rule of Life

We aspire to...
worship weekly
pray daily
learn constantly
serve joyfully
live generously.

Lowell Grisham, Rector

St. Paul's Episcopal Church
Fayetteville, Arkansas