The Map of Interior Conflict

Monday, April 3, 2006 -- Week of 5 Lent (Richard of Chichester)

Morning Prayer begins on p. 80 of the Book of Common Prayer
Evening Prayer begins on p. 117

An online resource for praying the Daily Office is found at www.missionstclare.com
Another form of the office from Phyllis Tickle's "Divine Hours" is available on our partner web site www.ExploreFaith.org at this link -- http://explorefaith.org/prayer/fixed/index.html

Today's Readings for the Daily Office (p. 957)
Psalms 31 (morning) // 35 (afternoon)
Exodus 4:10-20(21-26)27-31
1 Corinthians 14:1-19
Mark 9:30-41


The Map of Interior Conflict

"Let the lying lips be silenced which speak against the righteous, haughtily, disdainfully, and with contempt." (Ps. 31:18

Many of the psalms ask God's power and protection in the face of enemies. Often they speak of threats that one faces, our struggles against adversaries, and the psalm asks God to fight on our side to prevail against them.

There are at least two ways to read psalms of conflict, it seems to me. The more dangerous way is to externalize the psalm toward some enemy or some threat to our selves, our society or the world. I say dangerous because it is so easy to slip into self-righteous militancy.

The better way to read these psalms is with reference to our own interior battles. At her couples' workshop yesterday Susan Sims Smith talked about how each of us is a community of persons. There are many parts within us seeking to gain expression and control inside our conscious and unconscious life. It is important to acknowledge and honor our shadow and our destructive sides, but we also need to choose consciously which parts of us motivate our actions. That choice can have some qualities of struggle and even battle.

Like the psalmist, I can take refuge in God to deliver me from the parts of my personality that wage war against my self-integration. There are times when I may secretly set a net to trap myself (vs. 4) or when I cling to worthless idols(vs. 6); when my strength fails me because of affliction (vs. 10) or my centered self is "forgotten like a dead man, out of mind, ...as useless as a broken pot (vs. 12). I have spoken to some of the voices within me, "Let the lying lips be silenced which speak against the righteous, haughtily, disdainfully, and with contempt." (v. 18) These psalms of conflict give articulation to the map of my interior landscape.

Acknowledging the energy of my "many selves" in the language of these conflict psalms often brings an interior sense of divine presence and resolve. "Blessed be the Lord! for he has shown me the wonders of his love in a besieged city." Sometimes I am a besieged city. The psalms often give wise comfort: "Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord."

Moses goes through some of this interior conflict today as he resists the call of God. "O my Lord, please send someone else." And even after he has consented to his calling, he experiences something that feels like God attacking him. "On the way, at a place where they spent the night, the Lord met him and tried to kill him." There are several stories in scripture when those whom God has chosen for a special mission experience themselves being attacked by God -- Jacob's wresting at the Jabbok, Baalam's invisible angel, Joshua at Jericho. Moses' wife saves him in this baffling story from Exodus.

The gospel story has a more conventional message when we feel the assault of contentious voices of conflict. In the midst of the disciples' arguing about who will be the greatest, Jesus blesses a child before them and raises up the vocation of the servant. Then Jesus softens their tendency toward exclusively and conflict, "Whoever is not against us is for us."

When our "many selves" feel like a "besieged city," it can be helpful to embrace the vocation of service and to gently remember that "'whoever is not against us is for us."